Anlov Record

One of my most prized possessions is my 1/100 scale Zaku I model kit. It was the first model I ever painted in its entirety. It looks like shit.

These works I have composed have been a project of mine for over a decade. My progress is slow because I’m often distracted with more flashy things. However, it has always been a passion of mine that I return to. I finished my first book back in 2016. 2017? It’s a blur.

I had taken the book down and have started migrating all of the work over to this website. I am also uploading my newer works. Here comes the disparity.

Like my Zaku I model, my old work is shit. I absolutely hate it. I hate nearly everything about it. My Zaku I has uneven paint, bad seem line bonding, and piss poor detailing. Likewise, my old writing is corny, too Marvel quippy, too longwinded at times, along with many other evils.

My current writing barely resembles the tone of the old chapters. It feels much more in line with my tastes. Before, I wrote for what I thought people wanted or what I thought people would think is cool.

Foolish. I need to write these for me.

In bringing the old chapters to this website, I saw this as an opportunity to do retcons. Nothing sinister. In fact, the opposite. Before, I had very bland two dimensionality to my universe. Factions and groups were rudimentary cutouts. With time, I fleshed out more things better and filled in plot holes. I had a choice here, “Do I provide retcons of the past going forward? Do I make my characters say ‘Actually, everything we knew was wrong and this is actually how everything works’.” That always felt more dishonest than going back and rewriting.

This is an agonizing process. I’m telling myself to leave as much of the past work preserved as possible. My primary concern is the retcons and any syntax or punctuation errors. I’m doing my best to skip cleaning up the dialogue, diatribes or discussion. Often my new editing notes will say, “I hate myself and I hate my work. The words of my past self makes me yearn for nuclear fire.”

But that is why my Zaku I model is a prized possession. Only by measuring my catastrophic failings and short comings can I truly assess how far I have come. Only by having my newer writing right next to my old garbage can I truly feel something like pride in myself for making it so far.

But it still hurts to read. I’m slowly bringing these chapters over, so that is why there’s going to be long stretches of inactivity. Some chapters will take longer than others. Almost all of Chapter 02 will need to be re-written as the world building is simply incorrect. I invite you to read the old work to get you prepared to read my more current stuff. Please know this, every time you cringe and want to die while reading it, just know I want to die so much more than you. It is a competition, and you simply can’t defeat me in this.